Thanksgiving

Everybody thinks there's an angel following them. everybody hopes that they are right. watching the tiny ants crawl across the hot pavement i can't help but think about how we all resemble these tiny ants. we are merely specks on this earth. we think we control the earth... HA we couldn't be more wrong. At any second, if this earth wanted to, it could just shake us off the way a dog shakes off water.Can it be depression if you enjoy the way you are feeling? I feel like i can't move from this bed and i couldn't be more content starring at this ceiling. But i'm fine. I feel sad, but i'm okay with it. So is it depression, or just laziness? I feel no need to talk to anyone or even to see anyone. I know that i am loved and i don't need anyone to say it to me. I just feel so empty. All i want to do is lay here and stare, and smoke. I need to smoke. I don't want to talk anymore. I've been blabbing and blabbing stupid things about stupid lives all day. Now i'm drunk. I'm so drunk i can't even see straight. but im still typing. My brother is complaining that we didn't have pie for dinner, and my mom is arguing that he doesn't work enough and that he is lazy... I'm waiting for my woman to get here, but it's taking her a century. switchin from my cockail, to the same old tasting beer that i keep finishing and refilling all day. Now let's put some wine in our glass so we feel like we're drinking. don't stop the flowing thoughts lets just keep thinking. Let the sound of the blender drill into you like a screw in your spine. Happy Thanksgiving.

~2005